my brother just killed himself my brother just killed himself

(After piecing together that he was having withdrawals all weekend) Sunday came and my mom said around 12 pm he left the house. On March 13, 2018 my brother shot himself. He was only 14 years old. Deborah Smith July 8, 2016 at 9:07 am Reply. Try and overlook the emotions your feeling long enough to sit and think whatever it was that made your Dad make that call was bigger then his love for you and it was a darkness that was just too much for him. I moved him back to our home after his 2nd attempt and also sent him to a rehab centre in KZN. Sometimes I feel like Im in a dream although wide awake and if I try really hard to wake up I can take it back. my brother took his life on 29 april 2022, and i havent stopped cried since then. three months ago one of my best friends, who was long distance, killed himself. We both unfortunately didnt/dont have much passion for life. Although it crossed my mind that he might do it one day (he tried before), I never seriously thought that this day would come. I dread it. My brother took his own life 22 years ago. I didnt, I couldnt, I am sorry. In fact, I had not talked to TJ since October of 2018, when we had discussed getting together for a beer and then the holidays came, etc. I was just a little girl. My SonMy Son: A Guide to Healing after Death, Loss or Suicide. I believe in the words of Jesus Christ, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Thank you Dan. Why ask if you are OK when in truth people dont care and are cautious to stay unaffected. He felt so much pain, pain that I've endured. 2 yrs later some people in town still call me the black widow. couldnt even help him fight his demons. I honestly don't know how to describe it, i've never felt anything like it. I dont know if he thought about killing himself or if it was a random decision. Im sorry, but i say my mother committed suicide. I helped him move into an apartment, continued taking him to his appts, started attending AA again, and we mutually divorced. He suffered from schizophrenia and finally took his life by jumping from our apartment. They beat him up. I want you to know that there is hope. I never sought helpIve kept myself beyond busy as a distraction. I had recentlylearned that my best friend had just hung herself. He felt like he had fucked up too many times and that his life wasnt going to amount to anything but he was so wrong. She knew that and still forgave me for everything. Its a shit feeling knowing that youll never see or hear someone again. I know that she was hugging my hearth with pride when I graduated. My son could not have been in his right mind to kill himself. Its hard to be far away from my family and its hard coping with the grief while trying to be as normal as possible for your kids. Many people dont even read comment sections by choice because they feel its too much. I want to talk about it but I dont. He was on a ventilator. Seeing in your own eyes how your father died in the middle of the night was so painful. My brother jumped from a roof 6 years ago; he was 32. I dont say a lot, just listen. He was not only my brother, he was one of my best friends. I know in my heart that my sister would still be here today to raise her beautiful young daughter and live a full life had she not been filled with ridiculous shame and led to believe the ignorant stigmatization surrounding mental illness. But sustainable happiness always seemed to allude him. I think about her in the same way you do your brother. He was one of the good ones. I gave him my car, cooked meals for him, had money for college. You may want to check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-sleep/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/physical-grief-symptoms/ All the best to you and your family. And obviously it will affect the victims surviving family forever. But reading this is exactly the emptiness I felt on 01/11/18 the day my brother hug himself and passed on from this earth to something greater. I felt I couldnt deal with his anger, so we didnt see each other for a year. We sang really loud and ate amazing spaghetti. My son was speedballing mothers day & he came to our house and hung himself in our bathroom at our back door he was addicted to heroin and zanex & meth he passed away last year he was in the cryps gang & has been in & out of jail & prizen sence he was 16 years old he has been to prizen 7 times & was a repeat offender mostly breaking & entering charges & convictions I want to know where his sole went when he passed. I miss him so much and just want to see him again. I found him dead on my bed with his brains on the floor. I listened to it, and promptly deleted it so I could never experience that horror again no matter what. There were recent plans to re-enter a clinic. I lost my brother to a self inflicted gun shot wound in 2015 and unfortunately was there when it happened. We played video games until midnight, when he made a sexual advance. How do I help her. I cant even imagine the horror that she felt. I did what I could to care for my nephew without upsetting Cassie. I would stand there stiff and frozen.It was an awful way to feel and worse to say. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, Alijaha February 8, 2021 at 7:31 am Reply, My brother hung himself just over a year ago. Im a die-hard football fan (raiders nfl and wolverines NCAA). This week has been a very trying time, and Im not sure if I am subconsciously grieving in anticipation of the date, or putting myself in his circumstances at the time, but my heart has felt so, so, heavy. This is for all those who believe in light at the end of tunnel. I will always miss him. That I failed him as a father. Please stay strong and reach out for help, it might be easier because you live in the city. Call someone when you need to talk. Im told the fact that he avoided me was a sign that he cared about me, and wanted to protect me from the pain he caused. When Im ready to start really getting painfully honest with myself, Ill begin to heal. Irene November 29, 2019 at 12:15 am Reply. I am with my sister who is griefing the loss of her son who took his life. I hope he is up there looking over his family and friends and that he rests easy and flies high! I was praying for a miracle but its been 8 days. Be strong and find your very own way to grieve. My brother committed suicide by hanging 8/20/18 and left behind his five children. And to anyone either grieving a loss or contemplating the worse, as cliche as it my sound it truly can get better, become a survivor of your past! I believe in the eternal nature of our souls and I know his spirit lives on. Its hard for me to say he died by suicide, because it was depression that took his life. I put my all into him, I made him promise me that no matter what happens, he wont give up on himself. No one to teach them how to tie a tie, how to shave. poor him. I feel immense anger and I know I am not the same person, how could I be. He denied it for three days. Yes, I often want to say he shot himself in the head, but I know that would cause too much distress for the listener. It was difficult for me at first, but we supported him with his hormone therapy and mastectomy. Sarah, Im so very sorry for your loss. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. Ive been attending a support group for over 10 years, off and on. Thankfully, she survived, however they divorced but remained very amicable. we stopped the prostate medication and tried to rid his body of any of the drugs lingering residue. He developed diabetes from my understanding, Neuropathy in his hands and feet. Benjamin Martin August 3, 2021 at 3:11 pm Reply. Anxiety and depression run in my family so I was able to offer her good advice and accept the way she was feeling without judging her. Fast forward to 10/2022: after we both had gotten divorced, we decided that I would relocate to Illinois so we could finally fix the wrong of 1974. No note. Mental illness is the most insidious because it robs one of their own sense of self. You may not get the chance to if you wait till tomorrow. He was in physical and mental pain. In the morning I ask him where he met Kim? I never thought this was gonna happen. Cristina April 7, 2019 at 3:54 pm Reply. My narcissistic husband died by suicide almost 3 weeks ago, shortly before he died I asked him for a divorce. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because my moms had a hard enough life I can't hurt her and she would never recover. She shot herself while my 9 year old was there. My brother left behind 2 small children and a 21 year old son. My ex-wife took her life 2 weeks ago un-expectedly. My husband who was an alcoholic, took his life May 8th 2021. I wish I spoke to him sooner, Rachael January 5, 2020 at 11:17 pm Reply. Same with my brother. He was going down that same road I knew what he was headed for, and should have been more supportive. Sear professional help as is so fresh for you. It was horrible; something Id never wish on my worst enemy. At first I felt guilty feeling like I could have stopped him if I would have just stayed home. At 16 i was a dependant drug addict struggling with severe anxiety, depression and ptsd, by the age of 17 i was in and out of trouble with the law and in a dangerous abusive relationship,and by the age of 18 i was a single parent. I was not aware of those things until after his death. Tell that you are sorry if youve ever hurt them, or ignored them because you were to busy or distracted with all the petty things that seem to be thrown at us all on daily basis. I miss him terribly everyday of my life and will until I take my last breath and beyond. It is not your failure. The pain will be their , the love will be their but to take this laying down will not change things . I cant say that he blew his head away. Edit: Mentally and emotionally exhausted but reading through these comments and truly taking them to heart. Left 2 boys here, now 8 and 5. I am grieving very differently than the other people in his life. I loved him dearly. Youre dad shot himself. A mask covering our smiles, our frowns, our children. I never got to meet the young man but I have cried my tears with my daughter for him. It was only with decades of deeper understanding of myself and my family and my memories of stepdads personality combined with adult wisdom that I finally accepted the official cause of death as the truth. The list goes on and on. i cant begin to wonder what he was going through. My middle sister hung herself in my parents basement with my Dads necktie at the age of 26 on 12/29/83.I was 22. I miss him sooo much. She only had a high school education and was a mother/house wife for sometime. I have no one in my family or friends who truly understands what Im going through . He was so close to graduating college and he was the nicest person i knew, and best brother i could have asked for. Thanks for continuing the conversation! But in my drunken state I chuckled, he knew I was a lesbian. I spent this last summer listening to Leo's videos, meditating, applying to jobs, and talking my brother down from multiple suicide attempts (he tried 30 different times from May to July. I just wanted to rip them out of my head. When I stood up I realized I was much more inebriated than I thought, so he walked me outside to my parents car. I have all these pain that I do not know how to deal with it. Childhood trauma and lack of coping skills were always just below the surface but mixed with anxiety and a back injury became a storm that eventually took his life and he hung himself in our back yard. You have every right to feel how you are feeling right now. We had plans, we had our life left to live. I didnt get to see her on Mothers Day and I will regret that and other things probably forever. My mother died 4 days after my sons funeral. I want to feel pain and regret and sarrow and all that bc its real. I feel guilty for saying that now that shes dead. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the death, things like complicated family dynamics, shifting roles, and different coping styles can test and challenge a family. And we will never ever not feel the pain of this on some level. We feel guilty for not checking sooner although everything written says not our fault I dont know how we get past this. I've put this list together, from one parent to another, in the hope that it will be of some help to other parents who are just starting this journey. My heart is heavy for you. I cant know your pain, but I cant tell you that I searched randomly on Google, found your entry and felt compelled to type this out. Called his ex-wife the night before he wanted to take his boys to school the next morning. my hubby says with his death his heart has also gone completely and he finds it hard to love or reach out now it seems to me that his brother was the kind side if him and now hes gone theres no reason to be kind anymorehubbby was beaten to a pulp regularly as a child by his dad.why should he I understand but am frightened by the emotions and am helpless to find solutions for hubby or family.. This is why I mourn him Opinion: In the end, the legacy of the man who gunned down my brother is not only violence and hate. Carolann Leibovitz May 31, 2021 at 7:03 am Reply. My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia 5years ago, with a series of life-threatening symptoms of hallucinations, delusion, and depression, Even with rigorous therapies, antipsychotic medications, and some controversial alternative treatments the condition didnt improve. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. I didnt get a letter or a fullstop. The rapper's 34-year-old brother, Glenn Johnson, reportedly committed suicide Tuesday. My church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, provides opportunities for me to help others who are grateful for my help, like bringing a meal to someone who is sick. Ive never seen him upset or sad even. You are not alone and by sharing my grief it seems to be helping me. My mom said he was talking until they closed the doors to the ambulance. I knew it was an electrician we had called because her power was out in her little playhouse, a building we gave her with a loft and TV .Well I answered the front door, began talking to the electrician about the power, a breaker needed replaced. I stopped it so many times before. So I have to all these grieving in secret. I feel less scared now, and some peace knowing that my moms pain is over. I sat with him for hours each night talking, he told me that I would have to accept that he could not carry on in this world, he felt like an outcast, did not fit in or belong. She deserved the world and now its too late to give it to her. His body was found and it was discovered he'd overdosed. i just want one more chance. While I wouldnt say her death was a relief, I assume I wasnt as shocked as others in my situation couldve been. And when I tried to ask people about her, they all had the same reaction. I think i'm going to go up the tree he killed himself at tonight and lay some flowers. In so much pain right now.