As you said earlier, to return home today to who they are. Im from Ohio. martha beck two wives. Like she already knew, obviously, but how did she handle it? Rowan Mangan: They walk in silence along the beach for a few more moments. I just realized that the mother bear, her ego might also be invested in, The bears cant do it for themselves. Shes got bears everywhere. On the floor with my legs to either side. The book, which was published last spring, was a New York Times bestseller and the first offering under Maria Shriver's book imprint, The Open Field/Viking. We laugh and cry and help each other carry the hard so we can all live a little bit lighter and braver, free-er, less alone. There was like someone we kind of knew had done a post on Facebook that day about Im interested in this thing called polyamory. And I think weve all been living like that for centuries. Rowan Mangan: Rowan Mangan: I just need to lie down. Then we went down to dinner in the other place and when we walked in, someone had his phone open and he was reading about polyamory. A podcast for people who are trying to figure it out. "Finally, Karen Gerdes is the gentle force that put me back together after the events of my life tore me apart, and the one that has kept me whole. A huge lesson for couples based on the revolutionary ways they deal with conflict, jealousy, and daily rituals to stay close. Rowan Mangan is a writer, podcaster and mom to a vivacious toddler. Its like everything else is just structures in your brain. 2. I think if wed been living in a city or been Like we were 40 minutes from the nearest pint of milk at that point. This can look weird but it feels like total freedom. Site by Lilt Creative, So this arrived today. Martha Beck: And when you say, Okay, wheres the limit of my resentment? And people told us, your child They told me your children will hate you forever for this. Yeah. Please forgive any typographical or grammatical errors. And cant seem to get her shit together. Because its like emperor has no clothes. Its the only kind of aggressive, I can be.. And one of the things that wed done is that when we had negative emotions, we have like ways of dealing with it, psychological ways of finding out whats really going wrong. Produced by Alex Sujong Laughlin. Salty, klutzy and Aussie, Ro co-hosts the Bewildered podcast with her wife, Martha Beck. We wanted everyone to understand and embrace our relationshipand we feared that maybe many wouldnt.So we called Martha Beck for some wisdom. And she got to be queen for a day and get her a new washer-dryer. I feel so much better now. She gets around five or six.

. Shes doing all these things and shes tired. And they would all sit around talking about what to do to medicate her so shed be happy in that role. 4. Okay, so you were feeling it was weird, but you were telling yourself it wasnt weird. Martha Beck: But really the only reason we say, wait, what is because weve been culturally conditioned to believe in monogamy. TW: @TheMarthaBeck Karen is the most counter cultural person. Its time for another BeWild Files episode of Bewildered, where Martha and Rowan answer questions that YOU, the listeners, are trying to figure out! Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices. And the way they express their love is to capture the fly and wrap it up alive in a little torturous straight jacket. And if youre a Bewildered fan, wed love for you to consider giving us a little rate-and-review love on your favorite podcast player. That is the joy of life. The Chalene Show is life coaching, personal development, nutrition, exercise, Earshot is going seasonal, welcome to our first season Promise Me. We miss you. Yes. Im asking about you and how you have done this? Morbid is a true crime, creepy history and all things spooky podcast hosted by an autopsy technician and a hairstylist. With reference to codependency. No, no, no, no, no, no. What can people do today to return to themselves? I have realized that my identity is polyamorous. And we talked about everything and the whole time we were sitting like mashed together on the couch going, this isnt weird. She doesnt want a dilly dally. Kettlebells, the baby. So I started reading all these books on polyamory, which by the way, I still have cultural conditioning because if Im out to dinner reading, I like hide the book. Like, thats a really great point that its an ecosystem of love. About Martha: So they were kind of raised on a king size bed where Id throw food occasionally. Its deeper than that Glennon. Theyre pretty cool. How Martha felt after years of marriage to Karen when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. I didnt notice. And she says, Yeah, you do. And same with white fragility. Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: What is Polyamory and how Martha, Rowan, and Karen make their relationship work. Like, oh, I guess its fine. And she says, Okay, so this is Because Karen doesnt care. And its just so beautiful to hear you say we are abnormal and very, very happy. My whole life is about spirituality. We are all doing hard things every day we love and lose; we forge and end friendships; battle addiction, illness, and loneliness; care for children and parents; struggle in our jobs, our marriages, our divorces; we try to set and hold boundaries and we fight for equality, purpose, joy, and peace right in the midst of all the hard. But when we talk about jealousy, most people, their reason I could never be in a polyamorous relationship because of jealousy. Glennon and Abby interview their favorite person and co-host: Amanda Doyle! And I think its shifting now in a way that is deeply spiritual as a homecoming to the soul. And we would read that Melody Beattie, wed read from the Melody Beattie book. And that becomes, do you have one of those strappy things, right. They found in the 80s when men were trying to step up and help more with housework, that a lot of the wives, when they would do studies on households, would shame and basically belittle and attack the husbands for doing the housework wrong. I had no family of origin. Because were-. Remarkable lessons for couples based on the ways they deal with conflict, jealousy, and daily rituals to stay close.Martha and Rowan entrusting their story to us feels deeply personal to me. I want to ask you about something, which Ive been thinking, which is jealousy. If you can do it for yourself, Im not going to do it for you. Because that is natures way. So to say this, I just, we need to set up a few things around age. In this episode, Marty and I dissect the ways we can be shamed and how we can move away from that into what feels true for ourselves. What is Polyamory and how Martha, Rowan, and Karen make their relationship work. There is no teachers pet who can out teacher the pet me. I honestly, Ive got to tell you, Marty, I wasnt that invested in the outcome of the question. She also likes to get the job done. Rowan Mangan: Unresolved: Release in which this issue/RFE will be addressed. What is the culture telling us to do? I think Bev has pretty much figured it out via this. Chalene delivers straight talk and simple strategies (with a side of humor) so that every show delivers a return on your investment of time. But Ive been doing self-help thing, my whole career. Rowan Mangan: Good Lord, I heard so many stories, not just in Mormonism, of couples going to a family therapist and saying, Hes fine, but shes exhausted. Ro is currently pursuing publication for her first novel, a magical realist thriller set on the west coast of Ireland. But what Martha didnt know is that I was also working with her because I have a superpower about being the ultimate teachers pet. She holds three Harvard degrees-. No, but Im aware that some people do., Martha Beck: As the Wagners await four back-to-back capital murder trials, the KT Studios team revisits Pike County to examine: crime-scene forensics, upcoming legal proceedings, and the ties that bind the victims and the accused. And I dont know if all non-binary people are amazing, but damn, these one does. Its a long fun story for us. And a review would be also be wonderful. So we got to try to make it our own thing. So it would make sense that some kids are going to see the matrix early and be like, Oh, I see that Ive been assigned a role to play, but I actually dont feel like playing that role for you.. So if the right humans need to come And this little grub was quite insistent. And I just said, You know what kids? No, I got a lot out of that. And Im thinking you have never raised a baby. I've spent a readerly life, which has led me to a writerly life. And thats what we were playing out, to my friend, we were like, Well, we were just complimenting you by assuming you were codependent.. I hate it. I wish I could play along.. So this is what she said. And Im Rowan Mangan. And I never know, like it could go anywhere. Martha Beck: Yeah. Exactly. And she can hurt us all physically. And the answer is, Oh, no, you take it. So its not going to happen. And you just feel like, Really? And also Martha, can you tell me how old your children are from your previous marriage and how old your current younger child is? It basically means putting such a high level of attention on someone elses needs and well-being that you actually forget about yourself and what you need. And life is heaven when youre so open and there are no categories, that you love everything that wants love and you love people loving each other. And then I become what I call the exploding doormat. Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: Martha and Ro define codependency as over-caretaking. And then you just kind of encounter someone who is already a spider. I have a favor to ask. And so theres the resentment. Probably not Adam, even said, We wondered if you had something like that going., They were like, Werent you doing that all along. Full of blue cheese. How did your mom, what was her ultimate reaction? Oh, now that sounds bad. 1. Not the internet, the spider web. Im Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, the book that was released at the very start of the pandemic and became a lifeline for millions. Martha Beck: Martha Beck: And then we continue. Rowan Mangan: Go back. The spider loves the fly, but only in a consumptive sense. So she raised up on her hind legs as we walk into the room and hear this conversation and she goes, Well, I love Rowan and I love Marty. Because I always feel better after we talk. And the fly is going, Thats so interesting, because I do not.. My psychology. And she was like, I cant believe these men I date. Martha Beck: And whats so interesting. And as a happy little fly, youre like, Oh, I want to make you happy. And before you know it, thats the string wrapping around and around and around you, is their reactions of feeling entitled and being angry or sad if you dont do everything they want. Finding the Path to Your True Self was an instant New York Times bestseller, obviously. And I said, I dont know how I got the Like I had the most wise download of the history of my life in this moment. Our handle is @bewilderedpodcast. Martha Beck: So they come up and snuggle with me. Heartfelt words of personal and intuitive wisdom. And the TV was on and it was a documentary about bears, which the narrator pronounced bear. So Marty, this is a Be Wild Files episode today because we have been hearing from our beloved listeners. So the metaphor I always use with people, once I figured it out for myself, intellectually, if not emotionally, is that if you ask a spider what it loves and whom it loves, it might tell you, I love flies. Because spiders love flies, the way they crunch, the way they taste, all about flies is wonderful for a spider. No BS. Yeah, bashing down pillars. We sat down. It was such a strange and wonderful thing for me. Yeah. Yes. Over six episodes, host D. Watkins will share his experiences in and out of the writers’ room and speak to the people who brought this story to the screen, including executive producers George Pelecanos and David Simon, actor Jon Bernthal, actor Wunmi Mosaku, and director Reinaldo Marcus Green. Rowan Mangan: She was monumentally narcissistic. Theyre both older than me. Martha Beck: Its someone sitting there going, Oh no, you do that actually, Row. Or, No, that is exactly what you said 10 minutes ago, Martha, you did say that.. And I dont know how other people experience it. Ungodly hour. But when you grow up, its more like if somebody says, Well, Ive been staying at your house for a day and a half and you havent offered me any blue cheese. And then youre like, Oh my God, get blue cheese. You dont want anyone else to be unhappy with you in any way or unhappy with life in any way. Martha Beck: But Trinity time is coming. Martha Beck: She holds three Harvard degrees in social science, and Oprah Winfrey has called her one of the smartest women I know. Her newest book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller.TW: @TheMarthaBeckIG: @themarthabeckAbout Rowan:Rowan Mangan is a writer, podcaster and mom to a vivacious toddler. This isnt just me. So thank you very much in advance. I dont think their brains are capable at this point in being able to comprehend how they affect others. Ive done that so many times. Martha Beck: Yes. Theres a way that you have , Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: Yeah. And so, I think like, because Marty and I work together all the time. Rowan Mangan: So what you do with a kettlebell, its like youre trying to lift an incredibly heavy bucket of despair. Theres a lot of fear there too. People who don't experience empathy, such as narcissists and psychopaths, are very hard for codependents to understand. Rowan Mangan: Join us for a heavy dose of research with a dash of comedy thrown in for flavor. Once Id finished with it, I researched it. And we decided that if we were asked a direct question about how the sex goes, we would say, its great. Coming out of that I think Ive come a long ways in recognizing my codependency and changing things in small ways. Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: She also runs the Wild Inventures newsletter and community on Substack. When I came out to my mom, my moms first question to me was, Well, do you have one of those strappy things?. 3. And Im on Twitter as RowanMangan. Like jealousy does come up, but its not like just because jealousy might be there that its a deal breaker for a relationship. Do you like blue cheese? But its also the way they react when theyre around anyone else that they love. Martha Beck: So the funny thing is that I start out, its a bit embarrassing the way I start out in this story, because I came in as a kind of Martha Beck groupie. Wow. Rowan Mangan: And that, I think it eventually just rubbed off on you. Borderline Salty is a weekly podcast hosted by Carla Lalli Music and Rick Martinez. I am available for . Rowan Mangan: What are yours? Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: I was really jealous at the beginning because Karen and Marty had been together for so long and they had so many patterns about how they would just check in with each other on the phone and everything. She holds three Harvard degrees in social science, and Oprah Winfrey has called her one of the smartest women I know. Her newest book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller. Yes. Rowan Mangan: And she said, I just dont know how I feel about the fact that you are both just assuming that Im codependent. And thats when Marty and I looked at each other, Thats a compliment were paying you, thinking youre codependent. And thats when we realized that the culture is inside us. And then you try to do it before theyre conscious of wanting it. I think its a natural way theyve survived being in an orphanage etc. And so I dont know that theres anything we are doing that would even apply-. Its like, its a family, its a family. He really needs to work on his codependency. In this episode of Bewildered, Martha and Rowan explore the concept of time and our complex relationship with it. This ones ab, SPOTIFY AND THE BEWILDERED PODCAST Rows bomb came to visit, she was in the guest room. Martha Beck: Well, weve got it now recorded so I think we got this. We have this silence thing. Excellent. Rowan, you said, We do not live normal lives. And I think its gorgeous. Like gravity. To other throuples or other polyamory couples really. I spot her and Im like, okay, immediately start to work with her. Instead of questioning the role itself. And the non-binary people that I know are amazing. So its not just a dynamic that plays out in parent-child relationships. You can follow us to get updates, hear funny snippets and outtakes, and chat with other fans of the show. Oh, my pedestal. Dr. Martha Beck is a New York Times bestselling author, life coach, and speaker. If you can create from that space, you can create anything: a relationship, a mood, a food, an object of some kind. This time the question comes from Ohio listener Bev, who hopes to learn more about codependencywhat it means and how it applies to her life as a mother and caregiver. A huge lesson for couples based on the revolutionary ways they deal with conflict, jealousy, and . Only I can do it for the little baby bears. Do you know what I mean? Or, look, this is not good behavior. Yeah. And we have what we call morning communion, which is at least an hour long of just being together and the babys zipping around and were just connecting. Because I dont think that people think about this enough, that the coming out process is not just stressful because you are telling your parents you like another gender or the same gender. Rowan Mangan: It involved like sitting close together on the couch, the three of us. Isnt it interesting that it is Ive thought about this before that theres such a strong similarity between like the whole gay thing and then this is that its all people want to talk about is the sex. It makes you think more and it makes you change more. And if youre in nature, nature pulls you toward your nature and you start to come out of culture and then only love makes sense, period. These comments were from people from all races, ethnicities, creeds, and nationalities who had felt othered. "SmartLess" with Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, & Will Arnett is a podcast that connects and unites people from all walks of life to learn about shared experiences through thoughtful dialogue and organic hilarity. And Ive been thinking about this differently because like six months ago we were doing a podcast and polyamory came up and I found myself saying, Well, I mean, its great for everyone else, but I mean, its just like, not for me. And I was like, What an asshole? It sounded to me like what people used to say about being gay. Karen had done it all too. Learn more about your ad choices. Shes like, I just feel like this fire hose of love, like maybe its sisterly. And I was looking at her and I was like, It is not sisterly, youre in love.. You have to pick it up at a place thats not explosive, but its still, a lot of us over helpers say that we dont have a right to get angry until we are literally about to die. Yeah. And thats how codependency feels. 4. When she was five months old, she could still drag Adam around the house, helpless in her grip. Maybe you are the God-half of Lila? If that makes sense? It was so exciting. Daydream believer Homecoming queer. How Martha felt after years of marriage to Karen when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan.3. This is a big one. Yes. 2. And you can automatically see why Bev refers to herself as a mother. You think you should cook, you should clean, you should get Lila, give her a bath. And one thing I know is theres nothing so beautiful as watching your child be with someone really great. Yes. Youre not happy with me? So write a list of things you have to do and then read through it and see if theres anything you dont want to do. What I try to do, is stop it before I kill anyone. But I do love that queerness has sort of broken the cages. Its the truth. You know thats what theyre all thinking. And I was like, but nothing happened. KINDA SUS - r/relationship_advice Reddit Story, 'The Mandalorian' Season 3 Episode 1 Deep Dive | House of R, Generate Passive Income Fast with Tom Antion: From the 2020 archive, 192 - What to do when you've completed your work, U.S. Economy: The Next American Productivity Renaissance, Pt. So Im reading this book called The Ethical Slut and theres one called More Than Two, which is really good. Martha Beck: You get all frantic and then you And Im like, I do. She holds three Harvard degrees in social science, and Oprah Winfrey has called her "one of the smartest women I know." Her newest book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller. Victoria Mcknight. You can unhook from codependency to create healthy relationships in alignment with your true nature, and Martha and Ro talk about how to do that in this insightful episode. It basically means putting such a high level of attention on someone else's needs and well-being that you actually forget about yourself and what you need. And Im like, you dont know my kids. Its so beautiful. Im camping, thats all Im doing. Rowan Mangan: Yeah? Way worse than the worse mugged or bed bugs. Martha Beck: And so I think thats whats happening is that the soul is being let out of its cultural cage and kids, really brave kids are saying, I am none of the things culture says I am. Let me tell you about myself because thats the person youre dealing with. And we would all, our only common language was Chinese, so it was very strange. Part of Audacy. Podcast episodes are available each week right after the latest episode of We Own This City on HBO and HBO Max. Martha Beck & Rowan Mangan: Polyamory & Throuple Life, Similar to We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle. Yes. Rowan Mangan: She also runs the Wild Inventures newsletter and community on Substack. That night, Oprah and Martha sat down. For an addict its when you realize that all the control efforts youre trying to use, I mean, sorry for a codependent, its learning that you cant control other people, no matter how hard you try. 2. Right. So the first thing that happens in the morning, well Karen gets up with the baby because she gets up at like, I dont know, two or something. Because January 6th wasn't the end of the story, January 6th was just a practice run.

Follow Will Be Wild wherever you get your podcasts, or you can listen early on Amazon Music or early and ad-free by subscribing to Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. Rowan Mangan: But then we came to a point where Id been spending so much time out there and it was like, okay, were got to talk to the other people that we go and have dinner with and stuff on the ranch. How was it for you? Because youre sitting down and saying, I am a sexual being who wants to have sex and straight kids dont have to have that conversation. Please note: This is an unedited transcript, provided as a courtesy, and reflects the actual conversation as closely as possible. So for us, we didnt even really know anything about it. Whats stupid ass things do people say that hurt your feelings? And I dont think theres a parent out there whos tried to be a good parent who hasnt felt this way, like put the baby first to the point where you are falling apart.