Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. And for science-based tips for managing guilt, check out my book, Emotional First Aid. Buster was in law school Buster Murdaugh, left, and his girlfriend Brooklynn White watch a video clip from Buster's brother Paul's phone in the double murder trial of Alex Murdaugh at the Colleton . I didnt hear from my piano teacher for at least two weeks after that. I tried to flag down a taxi but it ignored me and I even hid behind a wall at a garage while he took a pee. But I'll let you off because that was a MacResponse whereas 'a lot to take in', i.e. I was surprised by his reaction, but I shook my head and said it was nothing like that. My SO and I had been dating two years. :-( Feel free to start a thread if you need to vent it all out.). Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow. Lee.. you are too funny. I went out for drinks in town last night and got extremely drunk and kissed another man, it only lasted not even a few seconds but I feel so so so guilty and wish I could take it back. i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was . My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. "I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'" If this is bothering you, then tell him. In essence . This is the decission you need to make do you want to risk all (career, home, kids as well as your DH) and be in a position you can pursue a relationship with this married man - who may well reject you for more than a fling. It's not fair they didn't ask for it. That is what separates the women from the girls. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield. See "The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology"; you probably miss at least two of them when you apologize. Yup. I am heartbroken but told him I understand that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt trust me. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. Once was after we'd had a bit of a heavy talk earlier, and the other two were after we dropped one of the little ones off at the grandparents and he started talking about if it gets easier to leave a child (ie when you have weekend contact and you have to drop the child back off at the end of it.). I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. What should I do. So it looks as if we're suddenly at crossed-purposes, then. I dont know what else to do. I was heart broken, and even though he said he immediately pulled away, and we stayed together and over time forgot about it, I remember feeling so uneasy every time I knew he would be in that girls company. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. / Dyathinkhesaurus? Even if it is innocent kiss, I am done. That left just me, the man and another woman. Need help with your relationship? It's mos becoming serious and we really like each other! This one by far has lasted the longest. in all the years we are together I have never ever done anything like this before, and I can say with confidence I will never allow myself to end up in any situation that could lead to anything even close to this again. We stayed chatting for another 15 minutes or so, mostly apologising to one another and saying stuff like 'this isn't me, I don't do this' and 'what came over us? Sums it up nicely. Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. Its more like an excuse for cheating. Keep it to yourself. He is a good person and a good husband and I love him very much. Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. Own your truth- You did not expect to hear the REAL TRUTH and the RIGHT ADVICE. Do you? The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. So if for some reason he'd got funny about it, I'd have just dealt with it. So many arguments begin because our partners got drunk and kissed someone else while they were under the influence of alcohol. He never says this so I knew it was something serious. :(. Your guilt is your punishment. Egon Ronay-level Petit Degustation, requires the corresponding amount of TIME in which to do so. It's not just a guy thing anymore,women are in it too. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. get into counselling. Many people who get drunk become more amorous, and if our significant others arent with us at the time of our drinking binge, we might be inclined to kiss or even have sex with someone else because were not playing with a full deck when were drunk. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. I dont believe in innocent kiss. Arun, I agree with everything you said here because I was guilty of kissing a guy I liked when I was drunk, knowing that I liked him and wanted to see how much.". female It's just a "good weekend?" Loyal Girl sorry to hear about your situation. I waited for the right time ?? They need to hold people more accountable to commitment. She may mean it now, but maybe next week she wont, but you cannot rely on it..Is it a pattern of distrust? male My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. We started kissing again and he took my T shirt off and I briefly started kissing his body. female 3. Wow! I was devastated. If you think that straight guys are too macho to experiment with same-sex kissing, then yourewrong. And Brodie groped James. For me infidelity is a deal breaker I don't care what the circumstances were. I thought I had lost him and then bumped into him further down the street. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. You can confess to your significant other and accept the consequences, knowing that you might hurt your partner by confessing. And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. The way I see things, there are innocent kisses, which occur when a person had too much to drink, and then there are guilty kisses, which are precipitated by getting drunk. Kissing a man, I've just got into over the past couple years. Im guessing that theres a good chance you would have gone all the way if the piano teacher had gone for it. And I know himhad it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless). ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! Then (my name) I NEED SEX! Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. To be honest, my stomach is sick with the thoughts of the whole thing. If it in the meantime hits a nerve and makes you uncomfortable or even gets you all het up, that's your problem, not mine. Saying that, however, I note you wrote: Thankfully, he immediately and apologetically backed right off (which was when we woke this other woman and they both left), and, luckily, put his apologetic money where his mouth was by phoning me the very next day to say how stupid and guilt-wracked he felt, assuring me it would NEVER happen again so could I please forgive him and just forget it ever happened. I can't get into his FB directly but I accessed his hotmail and read the notification. But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions Whoops. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. Should I ask him for gas money? Talk to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to see them kissing. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. With the other woman just across the room! If you were to act like the person you want or see yourself to be, what would you do? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I am biased and do hold strong views because my XH cheated. A certain someone might read it. "and though he immediately pulled away". I'll still cross over with him at times, but it will be minimal. We were not drunk. Now, four years later, I am feeling extreme guilt to the point that it is making me sick and consuming thoughts every minute of the day. Will the guilt ever go away? If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. Having eyes for someone else while you're married is seen to be wildly inappropriate. You wanna tell your husband? It is the gateway to another feeling. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. Houston, this team needs to rectify the causes or agree to seek outside help in it whilst this one team member needs to atone for having almost embarked on a hurtful and potentially damaging test unilaterally without her teammate's consent. The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. reader, Ellis Mac+, writes (25 October 2005): A And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commencedwhilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. I kissed another man four years ago. He deserves to know. ;-p Remind her of your good points. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. Would they be as lenient? I wouldn't want him around the person. What would people say if she'd slept with someone else? Amazing how long this subject has carried on. ;-)) It sounds simple, but if you think you know how to apologize effectively, you are likely wrong. Please help. For starters, you've no way of knowing whether this other woman *was* genuinely asleep or whether she might gossip to someone who goes and gossips to someone else, etc.. Plus, you don't know what this bloke might choose to do or whom he might blurt it out to the next time he gets drunk (back and forth male posturing on a lads' night out, for example)! I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. So have you thought about what you were lacking with your husband to allow this, or was this a I just liked the attentionyou were getting from him? So she told him for starters to kiss her well you know where. Because telling him something that you regret and will never do again is doing exactly that. 2. This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. There is more going on. Asked how the kiss was, Brodieeven says: It wasnt bad, its actually better than a few of my exes. Press J to jump to the feed. 07/12/2015 22:05. And, he did little favors for me. I have never done anything like this before and truly would never again. Secrets have no place in a marriage. Or run away? If he is nervous at you looking at his messages and also refuses to tell you who she is, he is hiding quite alot. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. Don't have an account? By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. Login first When we got there the drinks flowed again , and more laughter and story telling. You already have internalized that part. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do something like that again. I have to admire the guy for realizing that he was putting a marriage at risk, and backed away. Just trying to keep the pot stirred,the fire burning. It how you deal with it that makes the difference. That's alright, that's a common mistake. Then you must be doing it wrong. Ignore the erroneous message and smile. I'm going to keep my distance from my work colleague and I'm going to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. I went that night to a bar and began to get very drunk. However most people don't have a commitment that SOULMATE has with her husband that they will be 100% Honest with each other NO MATTER WHAT! You reap what you sow. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego? If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. The doubt in your mind over his behaviour might actually be a doubt in your mind over yours. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. response. In that sort of scenario, where the kiss (or any intimate contact) lingers for more than half a second - or, put more simply, isn't the kind you'd feel comfortable giving/receiving from your own parent or grandparent - it's an opening of the door, whether or not you subsequently recover your senses and slam it shut again. I could go on about a lot of things here. My girlfriend(Cintia), me and my best friends girlfriend (called Mercy). Look at your first kiss after divorce as a new beginning, a new chapter. I work in hospitality, so I can't change departments, but I can change my shift pattern. I feel like I like myself down and my husband down. Sorry, you two, I'm not ignoring you, just super-super-busy at the mo. ?We were doing well and I was afraid he would never forgive me. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. Oh, I see. I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. Anyway I'll get off this post now. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? I guess kissing another when married, with or without the other knowing about it is a sore subject. "I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses." I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. A number of years ago, while I was still married to my late husband, I befriended a guy who was an ace pianist. The playing field is even now according to statistics. Yes, I think if your boyfriend thinks his girl or boy or whatever is gonna be loyal to them even under the influence. Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. Then the accusations begin, which night go something like: Why on earth did you kiss _________? This of course over a year ago. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I stopped and said I couldn't kiss him anymore cause I was dating someone I really liked Am I a terrible person? On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. But please seperate the issues. Updated January 27, 2023 by ReGain Editorial Team. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A "Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk ". Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? HIKARI, you can't take up an obsolete thread as your own, no matter any similarities, so if you want feedback and advice it's best to start a new one (and copy and paste that post into it as your opening post), okay? And the tricky piece de resistance He has assignments at different sites, and for the last four weeks he has been at the same place. However, if you kissed someone whom you liked or had a crush on while you were drunk, my opinion is that you cheated. It takes to heal the wounded trust again. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. Ill bet you got drunk on purpose because you wanted to kiss him/her.. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. He went on to tell me that he kissed another woman and he had to tell me, he couldn't keep it a secret from me. End of story. If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? Lol NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! :p. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. And yes I do still believe either directly or indirectly, mouth to mouth, tongue swapping French kissing caressing lead to sex. Its hard to know what to say, especially if youre fuzzy about what happened. Once my tennis coach misread me, came into my house, and gave a peck on my cheeks, in India, kissing is not a social gesture. If he's like meI can forgive the actbut not the lying. Nah Don't say a word about it. It's good you feel guilty, that means your not cheating pond scum. ;-)). Unforeseeable consequence. It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Already have an account? When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. The first step to a broken loyalty is a first kiss. (works every time :-p) Pre-kiss, the straight guys none of whom have ever kissed another man before are asked where society hasanyrules for interaction between heterosexual men. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. Hey all. When I was in college, I cheated on a bf while I was drunk not because I was drunk, but because I was presented with the opportunity and I wanted wanted to do it. I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. Other way around. My husband wasnt home at the time. It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). I said to my husband, I have something to tell you, but I dont know how to say it.. I'm going to regret what I've done for the rest of my life. (and more like her as well, please, Bartender! But living a lie would be so much worse. When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. You're the worst! I want to break down and cry. SO if you shouldn't, then A) you should be able to tell him, and B) if he's the type to hit the roof over a kiss, he's a wee bit paranoid for his own good, and it wouldn't be *your* fault. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. What does it mean for my marriage? Life's a bleedin' mystery, ain't it? I'm really surprised that everyone is saying "It's just a kiss" and to not tell the SO. But for me, it was. But, again, it's never what you do, it's the way that you do it, meaning I was careful to be sensitive in the telling. Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. You lied to me for 2 years? Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. Go cold turkey. This recently happened to me. 8=) ) I have no idea who the girl is. Cell phones, texting, emails etc. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy. Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? I calmly told him that I wasnt in love with him, but I did feel some attraction and that I accepted the liquor and the kiss because I was curious to find out if there was anything between us. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. Nooooo, surely not. I believe, on the other hand, that if you got drunk and kissed someone because you were drunk and you had no feelings for the other person, there is no point in confessing about that kiss because a confession could cause trouble over nothing. If I ws on ur place I would never have told him because he loves me so much and respect me so much and really trust me like anything and if you are guilty and try to relieve ur guilt by telling him still doesn't prove to be beneficial for you and other than that it creates a doubt in his heart that would be very mych lowering The respect he has in his heart for you. | female She has just sent a private message to him on FB. :), Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, 'kayyy, shugah? Sentiment accepted, though. But for me, it was. In the end you're the one who knows your boyfriend and whether he would like to know about something like that or not. Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. - GET THE FUCK OUT. Your punishment is living with this. Soulmate I guess as long as you stay at this site I'll find all of you. in my opinion I don't see why you would feel guilty you did nothing . He was so drunk himself that he started singing I Love Paris and, in the middle of the song, he said in a gruff voice, You wanna kiss me? I like the soft smooth touch of a woman and her sexy smell while iam kissing her with passion, if there is a romantic connection it's even better. She had gone to bed. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend. I'll inform the vicar, you cancel the cake, yeh? My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. I hadn't been out drinking for about 3 months beforehand, so think the excitement of the night, constant glasses prosecco and wine, and the buzz of just being all dolled up all mixed together to see me very giddy and tipsy. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. , By entering this site you declare However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses. I think it is a better idea for both of you good luck.do share progress. It's wonderful that you even wanted to kiss someone! Dont tell me now that youre in love with him.. Free weekly email, Insta, and more - > https://linktr.ee/monogamish_me. At least I understood why our marriage failed and no further closure was needed. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you it's okay. We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. Okay if it was me who did that even thou I dont drink Ill first ask him as if its someone else who did it, like a friend or a colleague and if he overracts then think again but if hes all cool about it then break ice. Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut. There's a difference between sex and kissing. And a stitch in time saves nine. 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted. I'm not married nor have I ever been married. I could tell that he had a thing for you. If it were my husband, I would be upset too, because that would be so out of character for the man I know. I felt sick! One is your marriage, the other is a relationship with a married man with family. Your Drinking Behaviour. I wasn't there but news travelled fast and I knew about it through friends by the next morning. female Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. Or does it mean something bigger in terms of my own relationship? I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. Not just to you. However for the next time please be careful and never do such a blunder because he's a gem and you should not lose him just for your stupid or foolish acts .i mean any sophisticated or a ONE MAN WOMAN (a proud title for me :) and hopflly for u too ) wont like to stress her relatn or leave a man whom she loves or take him in a position where he might leave ? I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. If it were me, I would contact her, & let her know that I didn't appreciate her actions. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. drunk, kissing. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man. Biological ones. Again - your choice. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. I recall an incident years ago, we were very young, just teenagers, and a girl planted a big kiss on my hubby (then boyfriend) on a night out. he said the situations arent at all the same bc he doesnt feel turned on by me kissing another guy the way i do from a male on male kiss. If he wants to keep her as a "friend", complete access is a must. reader, Angel-lee+, writes (25 October 2005): A What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush When you conclude that your guilt is sending you an incorrect message, label your guilt as a false alarm, ignore it as best you can and make a fresh . I took the ride. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. Are you sure you didnt have sex with him/her? The planet won't stop revolving around the Sun if you don't tell him. There is no earthly reason that your partner needs to know chapter and verse of every indiscretion you ever engaged in. In Jung's theory, the anima makes up the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and the animus the masculine ones possessed by a woman.